Sharing the housework

Home Forums WAH Mom’s/Dads Sharing the housework

This topic contains 14 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of burrr burrr 2 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #989
    Profile photo of Mellisant
    Mellisant
    Participant

    I know other women who work at home as well as take care of their children. Sometimes the other spouse comes home and feels he was at work all day but the stay-at-home and wah mom wasn’t, so she should have dinner prepared, clean the house and general housework. This ticks me off because not only are you working at home but you are also taking care of your children. This means you are doing two jobs, not just the one. I can’t wait for the day that working from home is recognized as a “job” by everyone.

  • #1017
    Profile photo of kidz25
    kidz25
    Participant

    My husband is great when it comes to sharing chores. He knows that I work hard. I think it helps that he stayed home with our son for a year when he was first born. I worked outside the home and he worked at home. He always steps up to help out when he gets home.

  • #1028
    Profile photo of Arcanaa
    Arcanaa
    Participant

    We have had moments like that but after a bit of time my husband came around. He has realized the hard way of the things I do through the day when I fell ill last year and I was pretty much out of commission for two full weeks. And really you are not doing two jobs, you are doing three – mother, house keeper & worker.

  • #1051
    Profile photo of Penelope
    Penelope
    Participant

    My husband has always been great about helping out around the house if I ask him to, but because I am home all day I do try to make sure that dinner is ready and that the house is (mostly) in order before he gets home. I consider taking care of the kids and the house as part of my job and I schedule the responsibilities that come with that into my day.

  • #1191
    Profile photo of George McFly
    George McFly
    Participant

    I think it really comes down to individuals. I know a lot of people say that there is pre-conceived ideas about women’s roles, but I think a lot of it actually comes down to individual family dynamics. What I mean by this is that whoever takes on a responsibility from the outset is normally the person who is “stuck with it” until such time it is “negotiated”.

    This may sound unfair BUT if for example one of you early on in the relationship takes out the garbage, that becomes “your thing”. If someone early on in the piece does the lawn mowing, that becomes your thing. Same with washing dishes, washing clothes, vacuuming, drying dishes, ironing clothes, cooking, and whatever else.

    If anyone (male or female) finds themselves disgruntled at the quantity of work they have taken on, then it is not their partner’s fault for not respecting them or being lazy or whatever. It simply means it is time to talk about it and negotiate. Most people don’t and instead build up resentment rather than sit down and say “Hey, I am really worn out. The changes in my working now from home has really meant this extra workload is killing me. I am feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope. Can you help me out?”

    Why? I dunno. But I have seen this kind of thing a bit and when I tell them to talk it over I hear a lot of “He wouldn’t/couldn’t listen.” and similar excuses, but I have fortunately in many cases known the guy and been able to counter that the guy certainly was worth being given a chance to be an ass about it. It “normally” turns out fine but the fear of asking for help and being rejected seems for some a more horrible outcome than enduring this constant stress and upset.

  • #1211
    Profile photo of Amanda
    Amanda
    Keymaster

    I agree completely, George. I’m lucky enough that my husband views housework as relaxing and enjoys doing it. I run the household and pretty much let him know where he needs to be and why, raise the kid, take care of finances, and we both work hard. It works great with us but we also have no problem taking over when the other person needs a break or some help. I am terrible at holding anything in so if I’m overwhelmed he knows it and vice versa.

    Get it out now before you explode! I am also IN LOVE with schedules!

  • #1619
    Profile photo of Arcanaa
    Arcanaa
    Participant

    I think if you are not upfront about what is bothering you the issue is never going to change. One person will always get frustrated and the other one may be completely oblivious to the problem at hand.

  • #1621
    Profile photo of George McFly
    George McFly
    Participant

    Agreed!

    There is another side of things that may apply my mother, my ex and every girl I lived with, would shoo me out of the kitchen and scold me for being in the way and not knowing what I was doing, yet also pointing out what they “had” to do.
    It was a no win situation
    When I separated and divorced from my wife, I had no domestic skills to speak of. The first three months were trying. I got food poisoning 5 times.
    Eventually I learn. My kids enjoy my meals and I make an effort with them.
    Not saying that this is the same situation. I am old and an Aussie so things may be different

  • #1644
    Profile photo of Centra
    Centra
    Participant

    There have been many nights when my husband has gotten home and had to step in to help with housework and dinner. Thankfully, he is very supportive of what I do and why I do it and I never hear him complain. As he always tells me, we are a team and working together is how we make our household flow.

    On the flip side, one of my best friends tried working from home and her husband had a huge problem with it. She ended up having to sneak in work time when he wasn’t home and it was ridiculous. It was no surprise to me when she finally gave up her job.

  • #1648
    Profile photo of George McFly
    George McFly
    Participant

    You are right. It is ridiculous and if the show was on the other foot I am sure that would have been fine for him. I have never understood inequity in a marriage or in society generally

  • #1732
    Profile photo of Laina
    Laina
    Participant

    Luckily, my husband is great at sharing chores. He works from home as well but isn’t allowed a lot of freedom. He is required to be on the phones for the majority of the day. As soon as he gets off the phone he helps me do chores. He’s really good about doing dishes every night too.

  • #1737
    Profile photo of WAHWarrior
    WAHWarrior
    Participant

    I don’t have a husband anymore. But I’ve had to explain to my kids why they have to help more around the house. For a long time I didn’t understand why they would complain (even though they got in trouble for that). We finally sat down and I explained in detail what I was doing all day while on the computer, and how much mental energy went into it. Suddenly a light bulb went off. They finally understood why I needed them to pitch in more than they used to.

  • #2105
    Profile photo of Sanoa
    Sanoa
    Participant

    My husband is pretty decent about sharing housework. He almost always cooks and takes care of the yard and housework, while I do everything else. Sometimes I feel like my responsibilities are burdensome but since he will always help if I ask him to, it works out.

  • #2447
    Profile photo of Francis
    Francis
    Participant

    As a husband, I do help my wife whenever she has a lot of work to do. I can cook, clean the house and even wash clothes. Sometimes I do not wait for my wife to cook for me supper. I can prepare it earlier whenever I get hungry.I thereby wash dishes without complaining. All this time she should be doing something else.

  • #2459
    Profile photo of burrr
    burrr
    Participant

    I think it depends on the amount the other parent/partner works as well. My partner was doing a load of overtime, doing about 60 hours a week, so I didn’t mind doing the housework then (well, I minded as I hate it, haha! but I knew it was only fair I had to do it myself at that point). But when she’s only working normal 37 hour weeks, it frustrates me. She made a comment the other week about how it was her week off so she didn’t have to do anything. I asked when it was my week off and she said every week was my week off. Hmm, given that I’m still breastfeeding and up several times a night for it, that didn’t go down too well!

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